Down

So I’m low. Very low. There I’ve said it. It’s been a while since I’ve written about my mental health, largely because it’s just too boring. I bore myself. But when it’s a significant part of your life and everything else is tainted with it it’s tricky to ignore. I can’t think of anything else to write about anyway unless you are interested in my current Friends obsession or how I decluttered my paperwork to feel a sense of achievement – which I’m guessing not. Anyway you don’t have to read on, I just need to get in down.

I’m crying more than usual. I cried today. I cried so much that my legs felt like jelly walking back from the bus stop and that was three hours later. In fact i walked back so slowly it was nearly time to go back to work.

Crying gives me a headache, and because of how long the trip home took (the car failed it’s MOT and is still in the garage) I was starving by the time I got home. Which meant I ate cheese before dinner, and digestive biscuits after it. Neither of which are the health food a bad head benefits from. I stopped short of wine because it’s Monday.

I’m tired. There isn’t a lot of restful sleep going on. I drag myself up at 6am and drink tea in the dim light trying to get my thoughts in order. I try and focus on the things I’m grateful for. I drink more tea and eat lemon curd on toast despite knowing the health benefits of porridge are superior. But let’s face it, sometimes you just have to eat the lemon curd.

And of course there are some very good moments. I chat and sing and laugh. I eat proper dinner and play Rapidough. It’s just, your know, tough sometimes.

So just a note to say, hey be kind to yourself. And if it helps the short term answer at least may be lemon curd.

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