Christmas Eve

Well with hindsight it may not have been a brilliant time to have braces tightened two days before Christmas, but I didn’t like to turn down the appointment in the circumstances. Poor P turned up at our bedside at 5am needing a hug and some painkillers – I hope she can manage to eat some of the piles of food we have anyway poor thing. Mash is definitely not what she had in mind for Christmas dinner. Plus there is a lot of food for us to get through – I like a bit of variety at Christmas and not having anyone else to share it with means we have a LOT of choice of what to eat and only four sets of teeth to eat it.

I’m nearly there = one more work day which finishes at 1pm then I’m done for the year. And what a year it’s been – we have gone through some challenging and exhausting things in both our worklives, not withstanding all the other shit that 2020 keeps on chucking at everyone. Here we are – grateful to everyone we work with, and those who support us; hopeful for the future. But I am personally quite tired.

It’s been an interesting run up to Christmas. I’ve been trying ridiculously hard to do Christmassy things so the kids have positive things to remember. We’ve done online origami, baked Christmas things I wouldn’t normally bother with (including a stollen which was delicious on day one and like a brick by day two, and a Christmas cake which we are determindly eating even though the premade icing on top is it’s only redeeming feature), and watched A Muppet Christmas Carol at a drive in in Rotherham. We all had a sleepover in the living room in the light of the tree (well I understand my other half didn’t sleep but it’s a sacrifice he made for the greater Christmas good). We walked for miles to see Christmas lights and yesterday we even went to church where the singing was beautiful and we had a lot to talk about on the way home. We’ve watched Christmas movies and I made the kids watch It’s A Wonderful Life which actually went down ok. I blubbed like a baby and still don’t vote Tory. There was even a decorated gingerbread house in the kitchen for about 2 hours before it got demolished.

Of course I know that the kids are more likely to remember the car not starting in the drive in cinema than how nice the pizza was, but it’s been pretty lovely (just with the odd smattering of tears, often mine). Ultimately however hard I try of course I can’t fix things. I couldn’t make school Christmas Cracker fair happen, or the various Christmas concerts they normally play in. I couldn’t arrange for their friends to come round to mess about together. I couldn’t book to eat out with friends, or go to a Christmas party and drink lots of gin. I can’t ensure the kids decorate Grandma and Grandad’s Christmas cake, or team them up with a grandparent to compete in our Yule log decorating competition. We can’t sit round playing consequences with the people we love, and I can’t share the veg prep with anyone but this lot. I even had to buy rubbish premade Bucks Fizz because I didn’t think two of us drinking a whole bottle of prosecco by 10am tomorrow was going to be wise.

The run up to Christmas has been different and so will the next weeks and probably months. People all over the world wouldn’t have chosen to spend Christmas this way – hopefully this is the one and only year this happens.

I’m thinking a lot about my family and my friends who I haven’t hugged in far far too long. I miss you. In particular my two oldest friends who have had horrendous years – I love you and I am so grateful to have you in my life.

To everyone who reads my blog, stay safe and we’ll get through this. Even if it is the weirdest Christmas ever. If you need to talk I’m here. Kx

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