I can feel myself dipping a bit and I think it’s understandable.

In the beginning this felt temporary and we didn’t have to think about a way out  the other side because there wasn’t any point. It was also urgent. Much as we hated it, we just had to get on with it, so we did.

This weeks bizarre suggestion that we should “Stay Alert” has made me realise no-one, especially the government, has any clue the best way to make this stop. They just believe they have to do something for the economy. Hundreds of people are still dying every single day but the figures aren’t being mentioned anymore because they don’t fit the “things improving” narrative. NHS staff are still working their hardest at great personal risk to try and save lives. That hasn’t changed. People are still vulnerable. But at the same time I could already sense a change in public attitude before last Sunday night.

Where in the beginning people were chatty and polite in the supermarket, now that is much less evident. When passing a woman in the street in a socially distanced way im the village someone was told not to “worry about that anymore, we have to get back to normal”. Where gratitude for teachers teaching from home was clear before, now some people are angry that teachers have the audacity not to want to return to physical school until they feel safe. Where the earth gave a sigh of relief, the roads are busy again. Everything that has been suggested as a way forward either makes little sense or feels unsafe. And, in most cases, both. It’s not ideal.

Anyway I could go on for hours which no-one needs. I guess I’m just writing some of it down in case you feel like I do. More lost than before while at the same time having a lot less enthusiasm to bake bread. It’s always good to feel you’re not alone.

Important then I suppose to reflect on the good bits of the week to balance things out. To be fair a lot of them are to do with screens but there you go:

• Grace Petrie and Ben Moss singing songs starting with each letter of the alphabet while slightly drunk. I especially like Zombie and the Mighty Quinn.
• Billy Bragg hour long gig to help the Leadmill out. There is something about the words coming out of your mouth without knowing you are singing along that’s pretty powerful.
• Rewatching all the Harry Potter movies, one a day. Still two to go. Sounds obvious but watching them very close to each other makes so much sense. T and I have all the books on her list to read again once she’s finished her book challenge.
• Post and emails. Stickers and a postcard from my wonderful friend. A card from my aunt thanking my for the liquorice all-sorts I sent in the post. New socks and funny gifts for the kids from Paul’s mum and dad. An email from my aunt with photos of the Tulip Parade in time for my next blog post.
• A new cardigan and t-shirt.
• A chance meeting with a friend meant we chatted in a car park for half an hour. A weekly call with another friend. Chats with my Mum and Dad.
• Decorating our bedroom – love a bit of yellow.
• A webinar which consolidated the fact that actually most businesses will not be returning to the workplace any time soon until they are sure they can make it safe.
• My colleagues at work. Shame they are over a screen but they are so lovely.
• Playing with robots with P.
• T making creatures from crochet.
• The girls making accidentally massive cookies to take round for a friend’s birthday.

And time like this, with a mug of tea in hand and time to write before the rest of the house wakes up.

This week there will no doubt be more ups and downs. At least the sun is expected to shine a bit more and there is preparation to do for an upcoming 12th birthday to keep me busy. I hope your week has lots of positive bits too. x