I can’t legitimately just put “been to Tramlines” because I’ve been before in the sense that the first year it was all over Sheffield and totally free. I was skeptical about paying but my friend was adamant that Tramlines set in Hillsborough Park was worth the money and a great weekend for everyone (kids included) and to an extent I thought it was.

There were bits I loved. I loved the fact that you bumped into someone you knew around every corner; that you felt part of a new Sheffield tradition. I loved Tom Grennan with all my heart (worth the money just to see him). I loved watching the kids sing along to Lewis Capaldi – the first time they’d seen a big pop star they think is ace.

I loved Shappi Korsandi and Phil Jupitus although I sincerely wish the kids hadn’t been in the tent with me at the time (why say tw*t went c**t will do?) I loved the overpriced chips and trying on crazy glasses with my girls.

I’m afraid though it wasn’t the fab festival I was hoping for. The rain kept us away on Friday night (and the fact that it was P’s last day at primary and we wanted to lark about in the park with friends and then collapse in front of a film). The music didn’t do it for us on Saturday whatsoever and overall (and here’s the bit where I show I’m just too boring) there were too many god damn people. There were queues for coffee, queues for filling water bottles and queues for doing the only things there were for kids to get involved in. There was nowhere to escape the crowds at all (even the stone balancing was mental on Sunday afternoon). I tried to let the kids go off and discover some independence but the youngest hated it and they came straight back.

The mess was absolutely hideous. There was very little attempt at recycling and no where near enough bins for the 42,000 people there each day. From a green perspective it sucked and that’s a massive shame in this day and age. Oh and the prices were astronomical (we are in Sheffield not London after all). We also had tired children, one of whom had a sore throat which didn’t exactly help.

I know this review isn’t going to be popular. Everyone else I knew seemed to have an amazing time. We enjoyed it and I’m glad we went, but we also enjoyed beating the exiting crowds by leaving at 7pm and going home to drink tea. We are officially getting on a bit so next we are off to a folk festival where they recycle and there’s juggling.