Tough Month

Well I’ll be honest things aren’t wonderful. I feel pretty low – in part because our beautiful bunny was killed by a fox on Wednesday. The impact of losing a pet is hard – the change in family life is affecting. Even though I hated cleaning her out and berated the kids for never helping and couldn’t stand the slugs in her hutch. Shutting her up in her hutch at night, feeding her, stroking her and cleaning out her hutch were things we did all the time and now we don’t do them anymore. The hutch sits empty and a mess making me feel even sadder. She was soft and lovely, timid and frightened, and suffered from anxiety so I always felt she was on my team. I miss her and her sister, and the things we did as a family to look after her even the things that were annoying. She did have a good life with lots of space to run every day. I’m trying to focus on how lovely she was than the ending.

I was pretty low already. I’ve been unwell for over five weeks, still having regular coughing fits where I can’t breathe. It’s not fun. I have little energy and am tearful and tired. Add in a few headaches, a bit of stress, some nightmares and the cold and bleak days outside and it’s a recipe for gloom. I’m drinking too much caffeine, eating too much sugar and taking no exercise.

I wanted to be making a fresh start, (I always feel like that in January) but pains in my muscles from chest and side from coughing and getting out of breath easily being make it a struggle and I can’t seem me starting to exercise again any time soon. Plus even if I wanted to go for a run the pavements are so icy today I’d be running the gauntlet getting 10 metres from home.

On the positive it’s my day off today.  I have a self indulgent appointment (if I can get the car off the street) and my parents are coming tonight. Tomorrow will be a wonderful day filled with the Wizard of Oz and someone else cooking the dinner (in a new restaurant we haven’t been to before). The kids are currently keeping me sane (a strange turn of events) and hugs are freely given.

I just hope no-one minds that I’m sad, I’m still coughing and the house needs a clean. The good thing is I know they won’t.


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