Anxiety

I’ll be honest I am struggling a little at the moment. I’m finding it hard to get stuck into anything or to commit to much at all. I’m not answering emails, and I’m writing lists in a lack lustre way, knowing I won’t do the things on them. My chest and stomach are swirling with uncertainty – like my receptors are firing but they don’t know what for.

My brain is also starting to play tricks on me. Maybe there is more wrong with me than just an endless cough. What if I’m ill? What if my brain isn’t working properly? What if I won’t ever feel better than I do at the moment? I feel like I’m failing but I’m not sure what at. Like I’m a really crap version of myself. I know it’s all rubbish but it isn’t easy to feel differently at the moment. Maybe when the sun shines.

Other people seem so much more together than me. They aren’t of course – we all hide our vulnerabilities. Mine are just too near the surface at the moment.

My eldest daughter just came downstairs to do her guitar practice, just because she has to. No procrastination or complaint. I used to be like her – you see, I feel like a rubbish version of myself. I was better when I was 12. What a ludicrous thought.

I’m ok, don’t worry, Sometimes I need to get the thoughts out there in written words so I can start to see them for what they are – just thoughts. Unhelpful ones at that.

I think I need to go for a walk to clear my head. I set my daughters a photograph challenge this week. I’ll go and do my own mini version and take photos to match these words:

Love

Nature

Hope

Growth

Positive pictures and positive thoughts.