I have had enough. I fed up of the battles. I am waging war.
We am already at the stage where if a member of my family raises a hand to their head I leap across the room like a woman possessed.
My front line are relatively sorted although they can be a little unreliable. My second in command takes instruction pretty well. He can be ordered to check for signs of occupation provided I let him sit down and bring him a cup of tea. Although I don’t feel I can totally trust him.
I do my fair share of checking for enemies too. In fact you could say I look for them with a fine tooth comb. No stone, I mean hair, is left unturned.
When intel is accurate we swoop like a crack team of commandos. Chemical warfare is in the cupboard waiting along with the best removal system available. It’s messy and unpleasant. As is the state of the head of hair in question the morning after. I need to bulk buy shampoo and conditioner.
But you know what parents, your country needs you. Well the sanity of my family does at any rate.
Because I can have all the weapons of mass destruction possible but if you, yes I’m talking to you, don’t check your flipping child’s hair for nits every week… well there is just no point. They hop back on to my child’s head and start another party. I may as well just accept occupation and start giving them names.
Just check them. Please. And regularly, not just when school sends you a reminder.
In the meantime I will carry on with my war on nits. I’ll be spending the next few hours watching tight plaiting styles on Youtube and boiling my hairbrushes.