So I failed again during my anxious period and haven’t written since mid October. There definitely seems to be a pattern.

I’m feeling a lot better at the moment. As usual I can’t identify why. There were a few really bumpy weeks but I’m out the other side. Again. Which is very good.

One trend at the moment is how early I keep waking up. There are benefits of course. I’m really enjoying half an hour to watch the news and think. It’s cold enough I can justify the fire on and a dressing gown and blanket on the sofa. Of course I can’t do anything particularly useful because I like the half an hour so much I don’t want to shorten it by making any actual noise. I can’t boil the kettle and the TV is barely audible. I am also desperate to reduce the bags under P’s  eyes, help T claw back lost sleep from last week and let my husband have some rest. But I also want just a bit more peace for me.

If only I wasn’t so flipping tired it would be genius.

Apart from that I feel nearly ready to make some changes. Hopefully they will be long term ones. I’m joining a gym, yet again. I have a list of stuff to do that involves getting a hair cut. It’s a realistic list I think.

The biggest change I need to make is turning down social media in my life. Not turning it off, just turning it down. So I’m going to check it in the evening each day and not before. I can’t tell you how hard this will be – it’s become such a habit to read what’s going on this way far too often. I’m going to walk down the street with my phone in my pocket. And I’m going to listen to even more Radio Four.

So in the short term please can you text me, not Facebook message me if you want me? The last thing I want is to miss out on contact.

Much love, K

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