Tricky Stuff

Ok so I’m being honest here. Before I start please don’t worry about me. This is me recognising a problem and talking about it so I can make sense of myself and tackle it.

I’ve been crying this last week. Once every day in fact. Sometimes because I’m worried about my daughters. Sometimes because I felt overwhelmed. And once because I read a post about a teacher on the internet.

I have a tense feeling in my stomach.

I’m a bit ill which doesn’t help. I have a shocking sore throat and feel dizzy and tired, with a definite twitch in my left eye. I’ve been sleeping more than usual.

My food intake so far today has consisted of a bagel, half a packet of fizzy strawberry laces, some dark chocolate, a glass of orange juice, a salmon fillet and a can of diet coke. That’s all the food groups covered there surely. You’ll be reassured I’ve now filled my fridge and fruit bowl and planned what we are eating all week.

I tried to launch myself into exercise on Monday to fix things. I walked to work and back and my hips hurt for two days afterwards.

I know Autumn is a trigger period for my moods. Post September I seem to slump and feel lost. I know I have to take action, but it’s hard. Maybe if I make a pledge publicly I hope it will help me stick to it.

1. I will do 20 minutes yoga as often as I can – with the kids. We have finally got rid of the carpet covered in dubious stains so it’s quite appealing to lie in the middle of the living room floor.

2. I will keep talking (my husband is brilliant at listening to me) and writing.

3. I will follow the planning meals and eating fruit and veg thing. Chocolate will however also feature but I’ll give the kids the rest of the fizzy laces.

Anxiety is a bummer. When I start to feel symptoms this is usually when I shut down and stop communicating so this time I’m not. I’m sticking two fingers up to my amygdyla.

Edited to add – this is not the only or even main thing in my life. Writing about it may look as if it is. My anxiety exists alongside me doing things and having fun. Some days it’s worse. Some days it’s better. It isn’t all encompassing. I know this is lucky and might seem weird. It definitely is hard to explain.

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