Down

I think it’s safe to say that I am currently more than a little down at the moment. I shouldn’t be because my life is great. But it is what it is.

Along with almost everyone else I know, the Winter is one of the key culprits. It’s funny really because I’ve always looked forward to the change in seasons from Autumn to Winter. Dark nights, wrapping up, nights with the fire on – an excuse to be even more inert than usual perhaps. But as with anything Winter has long outstayed its welcome this time round. As I keep repeating ad nauseum it’s “been nearly 6 months for God’s sake”. Even the fire is fed up of being on all the time.

There is more to this of course, although whether if the sun was shining I would be bothered as much by it all is questionable. What is clear is that I need a focus to my term time life. I need more structure to my day and a greater sense of worth which points to finding a job. But I also love picking up the girls and looking after them in the holidays. Maybe I can’t have it all.

It’s time to make an ‘up’ list. It will not unfortunately contain the first signs of Spring, unless you count the snowdrops which are currently completely buried by snow in my front garden.

1. We have achieved the unexpected and actually made Easter hats three days in advance of the submission date. With no tears from children or grown ups. Go us.

2. I have nights out with friends new and old this week, and am currently even well enough to sing on Wednesday which is a minor miracle. Whether I can actually hold the appropriate bassline to Moon River we will leave as a question for the time being.

3. My writing course has come to an end. Now that’s a weird one isn’t it? I wish to stress some of the people were very nice but the whole thing was not what I hoped for. I do have a clear idea for a sit-com though.

4. Only four more days at school! I love the holidays. Well obviously sometimes I hate them, especially when the kids are fighting and the weather is crap (oh bugger let’s get off that topic yet again) but this time they will be friendly angels, keen to enjoy each other’s company and mine. Honestly.

5. Tilly is nearly seven. Actually this is a bit scary, but also brilliant. I love birthdays – my children’s more than anyone elses. And this one involves rabbits which means I have already enjoyed the shopping bit of becoming a pet owner. Plus we sold our playhouse for only £20 less than we paid for it six years ago. Hence the hutch is frankly deluxe and hopefully well able to withstand the predators I’m trying not to think about.

6. I am very near to finishing a thirty minute radio play and sending it to the BBC. This is by no means as exciting as it sounds – it’s simply a submission window. What it does mean is that I am about to actually finish something and it’s quite funny. Well it was when I read it through the first dozen times, now it seems quite predictable… Anyway in a few months time I will beg some friends to read it through and record it onto a podcast just for the heck of it.

7. I have a couple of new ideas that might turn into stories.

8. I applied for a job and they got in touch to say there is a delay with the vacancy. Ignoring the pessimist in me that knows this is potentially management speak for “the vacancy is about to be pulled due to financial constraints” they did actually bother telling me. Which either means they are very lovely and have great processes which we can all cheer about. Or that they think I’m worth writing too. So yay me.

That will do. The blues but with a hint of yellow on the horizon. Shame the yellow doesn’t include daffodils which I’m sure are there somewhere if I can only dig deep enough…

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