Not such a yummy mummy

Never let it be said that I only write about triviality. This one is about hair cuts.

With new found time for myself things are getting a bit weird. Yesterday I went to the gym. Yes I’ve now rejoined the first one I joined 10 years ago. I clearly like to share my support around for the Sheffield fitness industry.

And today I went to the hairdressers. Yes I know, mind blowing isn’t it? But all of a sudden I can fit these things in and have no excuses for looking unkempt, apart, of course from my innate scruffiness.

I stumbled across this particular hairdressers a couple of months ago when I had, as usual, not left myself enough time to book an appointment and was beginning to look like Jon Bon Jovi in his worst hair period. This was the time after the hair plucking incident.

Anyway I’ve been there twice now (not least because I had a discount voucher) so I feel I can give them a proper review. Although I daren’t name them of course because then they will know how much of a fraud I truly am.

It’s the sort of place where you feel you should have had your hair done before visiting. There’s all mod cons, real coffee and beautiful staff. They send you text reminders before your appointment and there is an air of self tan about the place, but in a  ‘with just a little effort you too could look like us’ sort of a way. Which of course would be wholly untrue in my case.

I always feel like I’m a visitor looking in on how other people live. Other people who take proper care of their appearance and pluck their eyebrows more than once every 36 years.

Anyway as a customer you sit somewhere plush waiting to be collected and then the consultation begins. Now I have a background in HR and do like a bit of consultation. But usually I hope to have a vague inkling about what I’m being consulted about. Or at least that I am invested in the conversation to some extent and know roughly what to say. When presented with the subject of hair care it all goes a bit wrong.

Firstly there’s the question of what my opinion is regarding hair styles, lengths, and type of cuts. I’m pretty sure choppy isn’t as violent as it sounds. I bumbled through this today as usual trng to sound like I had an opinion at all while actually letting the hairdresser decide what to do.

The real trouble always begins when I get asked about my hair care routine. What products do I use before, during and after styling my hair? What’s more how do I feel about them?

This is the point where I start to lie. I’m not proud of myself but it is either that or feel woefully inadequate. So yes I know what serum is, I don’t just use whatever shampoo is on BOGOF at Tescos and I regularly use wax and a host of other things I can only occasionally remember exist.

I nearly let myself down today by asking how I could ensure my beautifully straightened hair could stay that way once I left the house. She tried not to look too patronising when she mentioned the difficult to grasp concept of hairspray.

The real pinnacle is when she asks me how I dry my hair. The real answer is four days out of seven I don’t bother and the other three I blast it with a dodgy hair dryer while simultaneously making packed lunches and plaiting hair. Fortunately her questions were all closed ones so I came out relatively unscathed. “Do you use a flat brush like this to dry your hair?” “Yes of course I do.” “Do I roll it over the bristles like this?” “Absolutely.

Before I left the salon I got a bit over enthusiastic and booked highlights for my next appointment as a pre-Christmas treat. It was only when the price of £82 flashed up on screen that I realised my rookie hair related error.

Fortunately they have a very efficient receptionist and computer system which will enable me to cancel that one…

One comment

  1. Thought you'd be impressed that I got my hair cut a few weeks ago. That makes it the second haircut in at least 6 years…. the last one by a nurse at work who had some proper hair scissors and everything! (In fact I think that was 4 years ago and the one before that was my wedding haircut that made your brother cry) It was done this time by Ts hairdresser, Jo, who has a salon in her lovely sprawling farmhouse and is also the grandmother (and carer) of a girl in Ts class, and weirdly coincidentally, the mother of one of my other nurses….
    It took over 2 hours, we put the world to rights, including discussing family black sheep, drank tea, visited chickens and put to rest the myth that my hair was too thin and fine to do anything with. She took in to account I will use the hot air vents in my car instead of a hairdryer and sometimes dont have time to locate a brush despite being sure we have loads, including 2 tangleteezers. It also cost a ridiculously small amount for a cut and colour ( £30) and means I no longer just scrape it back into a ponytail or “twisties” as K calls her pigtail buns. I'm also not afraid of Jo like I am of those scary creatures you describe above.
    The downside is I now have hair anxiety… I must get it done before Jo goes on holiday in August so it looks ok for my birthday….VB x


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