If anyone has experience of HRT you will probably understand when I say that the fear of running out is very real. If I miss my gel for one day I’m assuming I will immediately revert to crying all the time, being awake every two hours in the night and itching from head to foot. This week I nearly panicked because I couldn’t order a repeat prescription without contacting a GP. I immediately started to wonder what the correct answers were in order to ensure I could still secure the drugs (I feel like some kind of junkie). Should I pretend I weigh less, or maybe that I’ve grown taller? What does blood pressure even mean anyway and how come I can do three home tests one after the other and get different results. It doesn’t feel reliable.

Anyway I was big and grown up and filled in the form I was sent (the same one three times – oh the NHS) with the honest truth. Well the best of the three blood pressure results anyway. I hit send.

My phone beeped. “Dear Mrs H, Thanks for completing the questionnaire. The weight you have supplied is very different from your previous weights . Could you please reply to confirm your weight”.

My stomach dropped. Surely not. Don’t take my gel away from me I may explode. I rapidly checked ‘My Fitness Pal’ which I use sporadically to track my descent into the unhealthy sphere. It confirmed I’ve been up a bit and down a bit but mostly very very similar. Weird.

I replied – effectively justifying myself several times, blaming the hormones (not the replaced oestrogen obviously) and begging for the prescription. I’m sure it’s pretty much the same. The doctor replied:

“Dear Mrs H, thanks so much for getting back to me. The questionnaire had recorded it as kilos rather than pounds which was why the confusion. I’ve re-authorised and issued your prescription.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, but not before I fell off the chair laughing.

Sufficed to say all is sorted for now and I can rest easy in the knowledge that my drawers are full of drugs. And my GP doesn’t think I put on 17 stone in a year.