I think it is fair to say two of my piano keys are stuck. It is both a metaphor for my life and frankly an inconvenience when trying to play the piano. When I press down on keys which should be harmonious and even a bit incidental, it throws everything off. They go down and stay down having made no sound whatsoever with the absence of something actually making everything much worse. I spend valuable seconds, when I should be trying to literally focus on the next chord (as I didn’t put the right glasses on), prising the keys back up again only to be disappointed again in about ten seconds time when they do the same thing. 

At nearly 50 it’s hard enough to be bothered to even try and play the piano (still tenuously hanging onto that metaphor idea), so wholly unreasonable when I do drag myself to the keyboard to be hampered in such a frustrating way. It’s bad enough the keys are a bit dusty and I can’t even remember how to play “These Foolish Things” correctly – a piece I can see marked on my music I could play perfectly well in 1990. But to have stuck down keys is just an extra bleeding struggle.

I could of course get a piano tuner. There are however everal reasons why this is currently unattainable. Firstly and most importantly it costs over £100 for a piano tuner to come. The last time one came I paid him by cheque which gives an idea of how long it was ago, and as a consequence I imagine the cost has risen even further since then.

Secondly, as verified on the last tuning attempt, it isn’t actually possible to tune my piano anymore. Well it needs to be tuned to itself rather tuned to actual pitch. Again I feel like this is a metaphor for my life. Sufficed to say the piano tuner wrangles it into some sort of shape but if anyone were foolish enough to play another instrument at the same time all hell would break loose.

Finally there is the fact that the last time I had the piano tuned (at extortionate cost) I made the mistake of anthropomorphising my piano  referring to it as ‘she’ throughout our entire  interaction. He thought I was weird. So did I. It takes a long time to tune a piano so I had to commit to my decision for a good hour and a half.. What possessed me I’ll never know. I think I did it to make it sound like I was maternal towards it in some way but I suspect since it only gets tuned every 7 years it’s more like an abusive relationship. Anyway I’m sure he would remember me being a bit bizarre so I can’t ask him back.

Our previous piano tuner was blind – he was incredible but I lost his number. Which is downright idiotic but forgivable when I accept I had 2 small children and was in the middle of an extension the last time I saw him. Crikey my piano has seen some life.

What’s the point in this? God only knows. I can’t play that either, largely due to the stuck keys and not owning a Beach Boys song book.