I’ve become one of those people who buys things they hear about on the internet to try and make their life better.

First there was the hair sensitivity check which a) has very little scientific value and b) told me I have an intolerance to mushrooms, white wine and lager. So I ignored it.

Then there was the Glucose Goddess. I bought the book and the vinegar and to be fair I think it worked but it’s hard to feel healthy when you are having cheese for breakfast every day.

Then there was Rosalique – which actually has come quite close to helping me with my rosacea (at least I don’t go the very deepest red after the first glass on wine when I have it on) but it costs, wait for it…£30 for a small tube. What the actual hell?!

Most recently I’ve bought Kefir for my gut (I mean drinking yoghurt is just a bit rank even if it does taste a bit of passionfruit) and True Collagen to dissolve in my tea to make my skin and tendons more youthful. Again True Collagen is very expensive so please god let it stop my hair turning into even more of a wild birds nest than it already is. Apparently it’ll take 6 months to work so I’m considering selling my signed Billy Bragg album (joke obviously – it wouldn’t make enough…)

But this is what happens when you get older. It used to be that I thought I wasn’t good enough – not fit enough, not thin enough, not fashionable enough. Now I still think that a little (I try not to but some things are hard wired) but am also facing the not being young enough element and that’s a battle that’s impossible to win, even if you are trying to fight it with HRT and factor 50 laced green face makeup.

I wonder what my next purchase will be? Perhaps the method for making my hair curly Instagram is endlessly encouraging me to try. If I’m lucky it’s the hand held carpet scraper that will win out. It’s not expensive but on the other hand there’s not much chance it will make me look trendy or help with night sweats…